Candle in the Window
by Anduria Trianys
Summary: One shot, set between 'To the Last Man' and 'Meat'. When he's checking his calendar, Jack remembers something important and fulfils a promise he made a long time ago.


Candle in the Window

**Candle in the Window**

Jack cursed as he looked at the date on his calendar. He had genuinely not intended to have been away for so long – but then again, being tortured by a madman for a year hadn't really figured into his plans either. It wasn't even that day's date that had made him annoyed. Well, in a way it was; he had been going over the list of important events for the day, when one of them had jumped out at him, triggering a memory of another, earlier event. That was what had caused him to swear out loud.

Unfortunately, this had not gone unnoticed. The door creaked open and Jack looked up, hoping to see Ianto there. He barely swallowed his disappointment when he saw that it was Gwen, though he was fond of her. He did, however, manage to muster a smile.

"What is it, Gwen?" he asked her.

The former police officer studied her boss critically. "I heard you swearing," she said. "I just came to make sure you were all right." She looked hard at him, silently urging him to spill his heart out to her.

Jack, however, merely smiled again. "I'm fine, Gwen; I just hit my hand on something, nothing to worry about." He wasn't going to tell her what was bothering him, especially since it was really none of her business. Besides, he wasn't technically lying; he had slammed his hand onto the desk – and it had actually really hurt.

"Go home, Gwen," he said, not unkindly. "But before you do, can you ask Ianto to come up here for a moment? There's something I need to talk to him about."

Gwen raised an eyebrow, but, surprisingly for her, she obeyed without further question and a moment later, Ianto was standing in the doorway. Instantly, Jack crossed the room and pulled him into his arms, holding him tight.

"How are you doing?" he asked him nervously.

Ianto looked surprised, if rather flattered. "I'm fine, Jack," he said. "Don't forget who I am after all." He smiled slightly. "I'm Ianto _Fucking _Jones, as you never tire of reminding me." He untangled himself from Jack's arms. "Are you okay?"

Jack frowned mentally; Ianto had tried to crack a joke, but it was obvious that he wasn't fine at all. But he didn't ask about that; he knew perfectly well what was going on.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm fine; I was just thinking about things, one of them being you." He stroked Ianto's hair. "Come to my flat, tonight at eight. Go home, freshen up, take some time to yourself and then come to me. Owen and Tosh are watching over things here."

Ianto frowned. "Jack, what did you do?"

Jack's smile was unreadable. "You'll see."

Once the younger man had left and was safely out of earshot, Jack returned to his computer and tapped at a few keys. "I should have done this as soon as I came back," he muttered. "Never mind other issues; this is more important."

Nodding to himself, he picked up the phone and dialled a number. "Got it?" he whispered. "Great – okay, give it to me." He grabbed some paper and started scribbling. "Mm-hmm…right, okay; and that's everything? Great – thanks for your help." Ending the call, he went back to the screen, hoping he was doing the right thing.

As soon as Owen and Tosh were settled, Jack made his way to the shops. He would have to be fast; Ianto would be arriving at eight and it was already a quarter past seven. Plus, he was worried that the shops would be shut. As it was, it took him twenty minutes to find a place where he could get everything he needed and another ten for him to actually get them all. In fact, he was impressed that he had five minutes to put it together when he finally arrived at his flat. He really needed to work on his time management skills.

He was just putting the finishing touches to it when he heard a key turn in the lock. Taking a deep breath, he turned round to face Ianto, who was staring at him.

And well he might stare.

The sitting room was lit by hundreds of tall white candles, each of them with a small cluster of blue forget-me-nots in glasses beside them. He looked around in confusion, but apart from the candles, all he could see was Jack, who looked very apprehensive.

"Did I do the right thing?" he whispered.

Ianto frowned. "It's beautiful, but – and don't take this the wrong way – I don't quite –"

"Have a closer look," urged Jack gently.

Curious, Ianto did so and, by and by, he saw that each candle also had a small plaque with people's names engraved on them. "Jack," he gasped.

"You see," said Jack softly as he came to join him. "When I was looking at my calendar earlier today, I saw something that reminded me of something I forgot." He touched Ianto's shoulder. "While I was away, I missed…I remembered today that I missed the first anniversary of the attack on Canary Wharf." He smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" asked Ianto.

"Do you remember when I came to see you, two weeks into your suspension? It was the second time you didn't try to kick me out of your front door." Ianto nodded. "Well, that night, you talked, remember? I mean, you really talked about what happened at Canary Wharf. I'm not sure if you were talking to yourself or me, but I remember how awful I felt when you collapsed on the floor and cried. I wanted to go straight to you, but I knew that, even though you hadn't told me to clear off, I was the last person you wanted to see. So, I made a promise, right there and then, that, on the first anniversary, I would be there for you, if you needed me; I would stand by you and comfort you, hold you if you wanted me to. But I wasn't there, was I? I wasn't there when you needed me the most."

Ianto turned to him, his face almost shimmering in the candlelight. "There's another anniversary today, too, you know," he said quietly.

"I know. Come with me." Jack took his hand and led him over to one of the windows; the only one with red stained glass in it. He took out his handkerchief and wiped it down, restoring it to its natural beauty. There was another candle in the window, tall and white like the others, but with many more flowers in the vase beside it.

"What's that one for?" asked Ianto. But he suspected he already knew.

"Not what," Jack corrected him, "who." He struck a match. "It was today's anniversary that reminded me of Canary Wharf, but it's only right that I remember today as well." Leaning over, he lit the candle. "This one's for Lisa."

Ianto stared at him. "You remembered." He almost hardly dared to hope.

Jack nodded. "Why do you think I asked you how you were earlier?" he asked. "Look, Ianto; I did what I had to do that night, but I still stand by what I said after we came back from the Beacons. I handled the whole thing terribly, especially when I told you to execute her. I was wrong to make you do that and I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I can't really explain it all that well, but –"

"Try." Ianto didn't sound angry, if anything, he sounded almost as though he was pleading. "Please…just try, Jack."

"Well…I was angry that you could do something like that, but I was a bit hurt as well. And, well, I guess with the way you were so loyal and devoted to her…I guess I was a little jealous. It's just that, when we first met, I felt something more than the initial thought about how hot you were. I don't know what it was, but there was something about you that struck me. I guess I just thought you felt it too and when I realised that I was wrong, it hurt like hell."

"You weren't wrong," stated Ianto. "I felt it as well. Do you remember when we caught Myfanwy together? When I walked away, and you told me you liked the suit, I cried. I felt guilty on so many levels, Jack, because I _did _feel something. I don't know what it was any more than you do, but I definitely felt it. That's what hurt most of all; I knew that I loved her, but I knew that I'd have to betray you for her and, just for a second, I wasn't sure if I could do it. I wasn't sure whether I hated myself for almost betraying her, for knowing that I was going to do that to you or even for the way I used you just so I could get her into Torchwood…oh, God; I'm so sorry, Jack."

"Come here," said Jack, drawing him into his arms. "I'm sorry, too. Like I said, I was jealous and angry and it was clouding my judgement. I was malicious and cruel towards you that night, and I do regret it."

Ianto shook his head. "It's in the past now," he said. "I mean, I won't forget her –"

"I hope you wouldn't; I would never ask you to forget her. In fact, I'd be deeply saddened if I thought you could."

"I know. Over time, I realised that she wasn't who I thought she was when I brought her, but I've got so many good memories of her and I can let her go and move on with my life – with you." He rested his head against his lover's cheek. "Thank you, Jack – thank you for doing this. You've let me remember the people I loved in a way that I'll never forget. But you didn't have to do this and I really do appreciate it."

Jack pressed a kiss into his hair, trying not to think that one day he would have to light a candle for Ianto as well. It may not happen for several years yet, but it would happen one day and he would only be left with memories – and a candle in the window.


End file.
